Well, Ian does, anyway. Part of the deal with Ian cutting my hair was: I get pictures taken of me looking stupid, and then someone else cuts Ian's hair afterwards. Ian only made out with half his payment, though, as his hair is yet to be cut.

I hate getting my hair cut. It's always been bad news, back to when my parents let the Fantastic Sam's know to "cut it short in the front, and leave it long in the back." Then they'd walk me over to this machine that took bits of my hair in and spat out a toy. I guess that bullshit pressboard Sam's "box of magic" was their way of making me not notice the fact that I looked like a 10 year-old trailer park denizen. Assholes.

So my hair gets to a certain length, and I can't avoid it anymore, and then I get it cut. And it's only more complicated having the beard, too, which I wait to cut until I get my hair cut. Which is probably why I look like a homeless caveman viking most of the time.

Bad haircuts have followed me through most of my life; whether or not this has anything to do with me going to places with names that include words like "Master" and "Super," I don't know. I found this kind of sketchy hard-core dude (bald, incidentally) at a Rudy's in Los Angeles who did an alright job once, so I went to him three times over a two-year period, and felt alright about it. Then I called one day and they let me know he hadn't worked there in, like, six months.

So I had Ian do it. And he was kind enough to try giving me a mullet, but my hair wasn't quite long enough.

On the other hand, this is about as close as I'll ever get to the "Baby Boz" that my parents tried to force on me when Brian Bosworth was playing for the Seattle Seahawks:

I did lots of stupid stuff while shaving, too, thinking it'd make for funny pictures, but frankly, I can't let it get out. I'm barely cobbling this post together after that horrible image Ian and Siana sprang on the site earlier. So here's the final result for you all to enjoy:

And seriously, when did I start getting cross-eyed?

That's a lot of hair.

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